Happy Valentine's Day, yall! We got you a dead dad, some amphibians and a Brit with amnesia. Don't say we never did anything romantic for our listeners.
We watched Smooch starring Kelly Martin and Kiernan Shipka, where we learn about dissection and fire escapes and love. But mostly dissection .
To kick off the most romantic month, we watched The Perfect Boyfriend from Lifetime. Spoiler alert, this movie has 100% less romance than you'd expect and like 300% more murder. Also, we discuss wifi troubleshooting 101.
What do Stephen King, Miley Cyrus, Billy Joel and the Marines have in common? This movie. It's Popfan from Lifetime -- a movie that almost used Comic Sans in its opening credits. We learn about lighthouses and paint and dead parents. And that's just in the first 15 minutes.
It's inauguration day so we chose the 1978 made for TV movie The President's Mistress, starring Beau Bridges and a bunch of Russians. Presidents and Russians? What ever could go wrong?!
Happy New Year, Lifemarkers! This week's episode is brought to you by the phrases "Glue Horse" and"Chunky Kool-Aid". It's a Hallmark movie SO BAD, even Michelle didn't like it. It's A Kiss By Midnight, starring Faith Ford, Dyan Cannon and Hal Linden
After all the mushy mushy Hallmark holiday films, we needed a palate cleanser so, in honor of Jesus' birthday this week, we watched the most religious film we could find on Lifetime, Bad Sister! Watching a movie about a murderous, YouTube obsessed nun is just what Jesus would want you to watch.
Of all the holiday movies we could have watched, we watched this one -- the least Christmas of all the made for TV Christmas movies. Also, its from Lifetime but there is no murder or teen drug use so color us truly disappointed. Its like a giant lump of coal for our movie viewing eyes. But there is a glitter elf so its got that going for it.
First, a quick announcement. Lifemark is going to be moving to releasing episodes every other Friday through mid January. We'll go back to weekly releases starting January 20th.
But now, the good news! This week we watched Amish Witches! Its about.....amish witches. This is Lifetime's foray into the found footage genre and it is fantastic. And bad. But mostly fantastic. And Stephanie confesses to her fear of BOB from Twin Peaks.
Whatever happened to predictability? It came back from the dead and birthed this snoozer of this movie. We are joined again by very special guest Greg Mosley (@gmosley18 on twitter) to talk about the Unauthorized Full House Story. So come along with the whole Tanner clan! Danny Tanner brought whippets for everyone. No really. He did.
No episode this week. I get into why here. But this, more than anything, is a thank you to all our listeners
Founder, Ear Trumpet Audio
Its the least autumnal movie with the word Autumn in the title. Its Autumn In The Vineyard, which brings all the excitement of a grape jelly competition to the small screen. But the good news is there is a lot of wine. A lot of wine was also how we got through this movie.
We close out the spookiest month of the year with the 1978 ABC tv movie classic Initiation of Sarah, starring Morgan Fairchild, Shelly Winters and Robert Hayes. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if Carrie and The Shining and Harry Potter all morphed into one movie? Wonder no longer. Plus its got co-eds in their underwear.
We are well into our Shocktober celebrations on Lifemark, so Michelle and Stephanie get in touch with their "basic" side and watch Growing The Big One, which is about pumpkins. Not porn. We swear its not porn. And it has Shannon Doherty from 90210. And a Pumpkin King. And webcams. So maybe its kinda like porn.
We are well into Shocktober and what makes a better Halloween story than real murder, so we watched Lizzie Borden Took an Axe starring Christina Ricci. We finally found a movie we really liked. Only took 5 months but we did it. We learn why pears are the least convincing fruit and dig deeper into Michelle's true crime obsession.
On this weeks episode of Lifemark, we are getting ready for Shocktober and bring you the first of 4 Halloween themed movies. From Hallmark, its Midnight Masquerade. Michelle and Steph start to crack and are pretty much over this shit and want to crush the patriarchy that is everpresent in Hallmark movies. But this movie is kinda about candy so all is forgiven. Mostly. Also, how many times can Activia yogurt advertise in a 2 hour movie? A LOT, we guess
Michelle and Stephanie get real pious and unplug for a while to discuss the Amish movie Harvest of Fire, starring Patty Duke and Jennifer Garner. We also learn about amish erotica and Lifemark cat Dewey makes an appearance.
Is this a great movie or the GREATEST movie? Also, Michelle and Stephanie might have lost their minds after this one. It's Stalked by my Doctor from Lifetime and stars Eric Roberts. Yes. THAT Eric Roberts. Watch lots of stalking, lots of inappropriate fantasies and the most chewing of scenery we've ever witnessed.
Well, you knew this had to happen at some point. We watched Flowers In The Attic starring Ellen Burstyn, Heather Graham and Kiernan Shipka. We are joined by guest, Megan Sunday, V.C. Andrews aficionado and creator of the Trapped in the Attic blog (https://trappedintheattic.wordpress.com/). We talk teen sex and why it was probably a REALLY bad idea that we read this book when we were in middle school.
In this week's episode of Lifemark, we watch Winnie Cooper as a wedding planner, meet the oldest 10 year old in the world and learn all about the importance of spare tires in Perfect Match from Hallmark. We are joined by Jesse Cooper of the Turn To Page and Random Sampling podcasts.
Michelle is steering this shipwreck of a movie with guests Becky Wilson (www.wewritegood.com) and Patrick Hamilton (@wewritegood) of the Kill By Kill Podcast (@killbykillpod on twitter). Join us as we embark on a cruise through murder and infidelity with Deadly Honeymoon from Lifetime.
Also, the rumors of Stephanie's demise have been greatly exaggerated and she'll be back for next week
Stephanie is joined this week by Wendy Mays of the Pet Cinematary Podcast (https://www.facebook.com/PetCinematary/) to watch The Rose Cafe, a Canadian made for tv movie from 1988, so you know its just like the regular American made for tv movies, but like 35% more polite and with free health care. This movie is the first of the Shades Of Love movie series so you know there are more of these cinematic wastes to come. Also, Parker Stevenson is in it!
We are joined this week by Clint Worthington of the Alcohollywood Podcast (http://www.alcohollywood.com/). We watched Cyber Seduction. We don't know how we feel about this movie. We just know its not great. Or even good. Also, we take a nostalgic trip back to what internet porn was like when Geocities was all the rage. Also, teen sex is scary. Fact
This week on Lifemark, Michelle and Stephanie talk Ladies Of The House, starring Florence Henderson, Pam Grier and Richard Roundtree. That's right! Mrs Brady is in a movie with Shaft and Foxy Brown. Amazingly, no one gets called a Jive Turkey. Oh and Stephanie totally cried during this movie and she feels just as embarrassed as you'd expect
From Lifetime, it's The Inherited! There is a spooky house and all kind of creepy townsfolk and they would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for that meddling dog. Also, ghosts want to listen to you have sex.
Never has gluten tasted so deadly. We watched the Hallmark movie Murder She Baked : A Chocolate Chip Cookie Mystery with Sammi C from the Highly Illogical Newsletter (http://tinyletter.com/spockgrrl & @spockgrrl on twitter). We also try to figure out why how so much whipped cream could be used on one cup of black coffee
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